It's 1.30 am in the morning.
& I'm still not asleep yet.
Thankfully, Sunday's my day-off this week.
Anyways, It's been a long time since I last updated.
& It's been a long time since I've put what's been goin' on in my mind & heart into words....so, here goes.
Life's been a very emotional rollercoaster ride for me these days.
Many ups & downs..
Ok, I think I'm gonna be a bit random here.
I've been experiencing two very extreme emotions.
Sometimes, I feel so scared.
I fear the unknown, what's going to happen to me.
Right now, my future's filled with so much uncertainty.
I hate it when I can't control what's gonna happen to me.
I'm afraid I'm gonna screw up..again.
Have I become what I can't be?
Failures & setbacks have got me questioning myself;
doubting myself.
Then the braver part of me will pick me right up, snap me out of it & knock some sense into my head.
I don't wanna just survive.
I want a career, not a job.
I want to do what I love.
I want to live my dreams.
I still remember my own quote..
No matter how many times I fall,
I shall never give up.
& that shall be a promise to myself.
I may not know where I'm gonna end up,
where this path will lead me to,
how bright my future's gonna be..
Sure, I'll get scared. & a bit lost sometimes..
But all I have to do is to find myself again.
When I'm my greatest enemy,
I can be so critical & bring myself down so badly.
Pessimistic.
But when I'm my greatest friend,
I can easily pick myself up & be sunny 75 again.
Optimistic.
Because I'm here to sing about the things that matter..
Right now, my priorities are:
Work. My loved ones. Portfolio.
My loved ones..you know who you are (:
I can't live without them.
They know I really need them now.
They keep me goin' & they always remind myself that I'm not alone.
Thanks for always being there.
For someone who used to be a cheerleader,
I sure can suck at cheering myself up.
But I think my greatest fear now is most probably..
that I'll lose myself.
Right now, I know who I am.
I know what I want to be.
& I never want to lose myself.
JPSAE:
1.
2. Communications & Info Design (RP)
3. Visual Comm. (TP)
I can remove Mass Comm. from my wishlist now.
Cos it's not gonna happen.
My immediate reaction was to cry.
My desired course since Sec 3..
& I didn't get it.
1 dream down. 3 hopes left.
Those other 2 JPSAE courses & JAE.
Only god knows what really goes on in my mind & heart every single day.
I'm still very afraid, scared..
& still very determined at the same time.
Nobody said something worth fighting for was goin' to be easy.
Maybe I'm meant to struggle now so that when I finally get where I'm at, I'll be more grateful & appreciate it more.
All I know is,
I'm never giving up.
Period.
Stop & Stare
By One Republic.
This town is colder now, I think it's sick of us
It's time to make our move, I'm shakin off the rust
I've got my heart set on anywhere but here
I'm staring down myself, counting up the years
Steady hands, just take the wheel...
And every glance is killing me
Time to make one last appeal... for the life I lead
Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're 'here' not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, can you see what I see
They're tryin to come back, all my senses push
Un-tie the weight bags, I never thought I could...
Steady feet, don't fail me now
Gonna run till you can't walk
But something pulls my focus out
And I'm standing down...
Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're here not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, you don't need
What you need, what you need...
Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be
Oh, do u see what I see
