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Got to watch ITE's Westside Story musical on Sunday!
Almost didn't got to watch it cos I only knew about it that week itself.
On that day itself Dalilah couldn't make it last minute so I ended up goin' alone.
I couldn't miss it! The fact that it's an ITE musical & my friends are in it, of cos I'd do anything for the arts & my friends even if I have to do it alone.
But in the end I ended up watching it with Syirah, Aidil & the other Showchoir peeps :]

The musical made me thought to myself that I've sang, I've dance but I've never been in a musical before.
I'd love to try that once if I ever get to.

There's so many things I want to try if I ever get to.
Here's a list:

• sing, dance, act altogether -musical
• ballet
  
• indian dance
• malay dance
• know how to play the basics for at least one instrument -piano, guitar

Basically that's it. I'm sure along the way I'll find more to add on soon.
These are the things I've yet to try in terms of music & the arts and I hope I get to do 'em one of these days.

Surreal

Today, my mom, her friend Sheila & I went to pay their friend, Moi, a visit.
She just gave birth to a new born baby girl name Azrar which is a combination of her name & her husband's name. (Cool much?)
Of cos there were talks about pregnancy, the process, marriage & my mom of cos walked down memory lane & talked about the times when she had me & my brother as a baby.

One thing I found fascinating was when they talked about the fact that having a baby is surreal.
Because you see something which is a product of you.
You ask yourself questions like, "Is that really mine?" "Did that came from me?"'
You have moments of fascination, trying to believe & make sense of it all.
Because something such as having your own child is unbelievable.
You wake up and it's just there.

Something I still find surreal sometimes are those days when I can't believe I fell in with Ahmad & he's someone I can call mine.
It's sucha magical feeling to be in love & to have someone like you.

I can't imagine how it'll be like to go through pregnancy & all.
All those talks I've heard of it before is scary.
They say it's feels like a matter of life & death.
But the best thing about it all is you go through pain and you're gifted with your love child.
Someone both you & your future life partner can call yours.

I can't wait to experience more magical, surreal moments :]

Here's some pictures of Azrar!
I couldn't stop snapping! hehe.




Look at her tiny hands!


She's so strong! She can already reach out & lift her hand!


Peek-A-Boo! Eyes open! :D

What Hurts The Most?

What hurts more?
Not having something everytime but when you finally do, it is all yours. Just for you.
Or having something most of the time, so close within your grasp but it is not entirely, completely all yours?

They say the worst way to miss someone is to have them sitting right next to you and yet you know you can never have them.
In my case, I have someone...but not to myself.

This week has been tough on me relationship wise...or you could say this holidays.
Ever since we've been having practices, I don't get to have Q.T. with my boyfriend as much as I want to.
Sure, we see each other, go to school together for practices if I have 'em too & all...but it's not the same as spending Q.T. with each other, just the two of us.
Even if we're together on bus rides mostly the talk nowadays is about work which drains us.
Heck, practices already drains us what else talks about it.

That's why it's possible to be with someone most of the time yet you miss him so much because you never got to really spend precious quality time with him alone.
It hurts so much to miss someone so bad. It really hurts.

Among many things that you are to me, I miss you as my boyfriend the most.
I miss my boyfriend. I miss you. I miss us. ♥

Oh You Make Me Smile :)

I wish I can take a picture of Ahmad whenever he looks at me, especially with that charming, wide grin smile. But I can't because he never smiles like that for the camera & I know it's only meant for me to see :]

*takes a mental picture instead* hehe.

This Is What Dreams Are Made Of

"It will cost you nothing to dream -and everything not to."
-Rev Run.

Today, I realized nothing kills my soul more than the mere thought of not being able to pursue my dreams.
Because I am nothing without my ambitions, passion & dreams.
It makes me who I am. I cannot live without 'em.
Without 'em, I'll be lost. So lost.

It gives me an identity, a sense of who I am, something to hope for, something to wish & dream about, something to do, goals to set out for & so much more.
I will never compromise them for anything.
If it takes a lot of my time, work & effort, I don't mind. Not at all. I will do it.
Nothing will stop me. Nothing.
I will never give up on my dreams.
Because I never give up. Never.
I am a lady of ambition & nothing will change that. Nothing.

"Trying to make it work but man, these times are hard

Oh these times are hard
They are making us crazy
Don't give up on me baby"

-The Script's For The First Time on replay.

Express Yourself

I'm not the kind of person to fully express myself.
Usually I express myself through the things I do.
Music, design, writing, photography...
That's why I cannot NOT sing & dance.
If not, I'll feel trapped.
I feel no sense of self-expression.
That sense of individuality.
And lately, I've been feeling this way.
I yearn to do my own stuff.
Sing the songs that I want to sing.
Dance & get lost in the music.
Problem? Time.
This busy schedule is not giving me any time to do my own stuff.
Instead I'm helping out by singing back-up...which is not the same.
That's what I mean when I say I miss singing.
I miss singing me, singing my own stuff, expressing me.
Me.

Confession Hour

I swear I can honestly, truly say I've never been in a relationship where I am very scared to lose someone.
To the point where I've even dreamt about it, in my dreams.
Perhaps it's due to my fear of it almost happening once...or the fact that he's my wish came true.
Even so, I've never told a guy I never want to lose him before.
I've never felt this way about a guy either.
I've also never dreamt about someone so much before, be it good or bad.
I can't bear to lose the most bestest, perfect guy for me that I've ever met in my entire life.

I never fail to fall in love with him all over again every single day.
I can't get enough of him every time I see him.
He drives me crazy, in a good way.
I've never felt this kinda love before.
It doesn't get any better than this.

Call me a horoscope buff but yeah, I've been reading up horoscopes since I was young.
I've always believed in mostly the personality traits & compatibility.
Maybe the fact that I'm a Capricorn, He's a Taurus, both earth signs which equals to the perfect match in terms of horoscopes could be it.

Or it could be the fact that we're close friends who fell in love with each other & ended up being lovers & best friends.

Or it could be the fact I've never been with someone whom I actually like, have feelings for, have a crush on in the first place & the same goes for the person too.
Mutual attraction, feelings & everything else just falling into place so nicely.

But that's the thing about love: Love finds you the minute you stop looking.
Better believe it cos I swear it's true.
People like to make the mistake of finding for love when all they should do is let love find you.
When it finds you, it'll all happen naturally.
To me, that's the most bestest love of all.
To fall in love, unexpectedly...especially with your best friend.
It's not about who you are attracted to. It's about who you fall in love with.

Whatever it is, I know that I've never felt a love like this.
You're my present & I can't see a future with anyone else but you.
All our hopes, wishes, dreams together...we'll make it happen.
One day, that someday will come.

Never let me go ♥

Somebody's Me ♥

“Somebody wants you
Somebody needs you
Somebody dreams about you every single night
Somebody can’t breathe without you, it’s lonely
Somebody hopes that one day you will see, that somebody’s me.”

-Enrique Iglesias, Somebody’s Me.

I’m very lucky & happy to have a somebody.

I love you, Ahmad Husayn. ♥

You Are The Music In Me ♥

To me, singing/playing music & dancing are both under music.
They are two things under one category.
I've never thought them to be separate.
They both involve music. They are both different expressions of music.
That's why when people ask me what are my interests I just say Music and then go on by saying I sing & dance.
People should never separate this two because they are not two separate worlds.
Just like how different races are under one human race, one nationality, it is the same for music.

I can't stand not dancing for months, what else not singing!
Thankfully, now I'm dancing again cos I have Contemporary dance class on Mondays.
Now, I miss singing.
Yes, I am in a singing IG but we haven't done much singing lately.
I'll have some back-up singing stuff to do soon but it's not the same.

I've been wanting to cover songs, quite a number of 'em.
I've been wanting to collaborate with people but waiting around for people gets too long.
And most of the time people say it but it never happens.
That's why I think I should start doin' my own stuff, stuff on my own.
That's what I always do.
People take too long to do somethin' & eventually I get tired of waiting around & I end up doing it on my own.
So I might as well.

Saw a short feature on Santana on Channel 5 yesterday & before you know it, I recorded myself singing Smooth on my IPhone!
I haven't let anyone listen to it yet but I think Ahmad's gonna be da first! heh.
Can't wait to do lotsa covers with him. Time time timeeee!

Ooh, I also had a video concept idea + business idea when I was showering just now.
I know, out of all places. The bathroom's a good place to sing like nobody's listening, think & contemplate on stuff, come up with ideas, somehow a place & source of inspiration & more! haha.
For the video concept, I'll see how.
And as for the business idea, I'll keep it & use it if I happen to get rich enough in the future to start my own business hehe.

Jinx! -Not.

I had this belief that whenever I started blogging about a boyfriend on Black Locket, it will jinx my relationship.
Why? Because it has happened. Twice.
Just nice when I start to blog and slowly reveal who my boyfriend is on Black Locket,
things happen and before you know it. Bye bye.
Pure coincidence on two occasions? Maybe.

I told this to Ahmad & he said, "Then you better don't do it."
I don't believe in such things but I only started to be cautious & wary about it when it had happened two times.
But now, I shall reject that claim.
I won't believe in it anymore.

Black Locket has always been a private place for me to express whatever I want & talk about all things happy, sad...anything that gets my attention, anything that gets to me.
I love it that it seems quiet & I don't really know who's reading except for the exceptional few close ones.
Anyone is welcomed to read provided they mind their own business.
They read because they bother, they care & want to be updated on how I am doin'.

So I have faith that no, Black Locket will not jinx my relationship. Especially this one.
Because I love Ahmad with all my heart & have enough faith to believe that this will be everlasting.
This faith is more than enough to overcome anything & stronger than any jinx.

All The Small Things ♥

Yesterday I guess I could say Ahmad cooked up a storm for me in the kitchen! He was on a cooking spreeeee! hehe. It was his first time cooking Spaghetti! He added tomato sauce, salt, grind the black peppers. He also did some scrambled eggs while I got ready the garlic bread. I love it when he cooks; it's sucha turn-on + plus point! hehe. Anything tastes super duper yummy when it's cooked with love ♥

Today I got to go out grocery shopping with my mom! She ate Laksa while I got to eat curry chicken + rice + bread! Yum Yum! C:

I love doin' mini surprises for my loved ones. I did two today. I think I shall not unveil it now till the two people have discovered it already hehe. Most probably I'll post up what I did once it's discovered! hehe ;)