I don't know how much I've been keeping to myself, holding it all in, pulling myself together on my own.
I've been facing stuff which I realised most people won't ever understand...or anyone for that matter.
I don't know how I do it but it instantly goes away when I'm surrounded by people because I know I must keep it together.
And then it comes back to haunt me when I'm alone, at home...and most of the time when the situation, matter is brought up again.
I am definitely not the kind to lose my faith, give up easily and I'm motivated by my own drive and will.
But there's only so much one can do when things get too much to handle.
Lately, I feel like I don't know what to believe in anymore.
What do you do when one supposedly most important factor of your life decides to wash their hands off you, turn their back on you when they are the ones that's supposed to be there for you through it all because blood is thicker than water?
It has lost it's meaning, to me.
I've always felt like a punching bag.
Always the victim of other people's mistakes and excuses.
For 10 years, I have to put up with hardship just because of two people's mistakes and now I have to face it alone.
I don't think it's fair.
It was alright and I still could take it when at least one was still responsible, now both are turning their backs on me.
I don't know what goals, ambitions, passion, dreams mean to people but it means a lot to me. It really does.
I've always put in my heart and soul, hard work, full commitment, dedication and passion in what I love to do.
Asking me to compromise all that is just not possible, to me.
It's like you're asking me to live life without living my dreams, live life to get by.
I'm not that sort of person and I don't want to be that way.
Because I feel when you're in it, you give it your all.
I don't want to compromise what I do just because life gets in the way.
Moreover, when I feel I shouldn't be burdened with the responsibility yet.
There's a reason behind my actions, why I do things the way I do.
I don't like people to throw me off my direction, where I'm heading.
Life has been busy definitely but I'd rather be busy doing what I love than do nothing at all.
I am busy taking baby steps, leaps, paving my way and slowly achieving my dreams.
There's a reason why most of the time my schedule is packed and full.
I've been through a lot and perhaps this will be just one of my obstacles that I'll overcome soon.
I really hope so.
Because things, people that I believe in are losing my faith and I've started to not believe in them anymore. Some things are starting to lose it's meaning no matter how much I don't want them to.
I hope everything's gonna be alright.
