Broken

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
-Marilyn Monroe.

I think I've hit rock bottom. One of the lowest moments of my life.
Everything's screwing up & my positivity & optimism is running very low, even my health.
There's only so much I can take.
Besides being sick, there's some issues which I shall not elaborate on.
Sometimes I feel like I'm someone's punching bag. It hurts so bad, so much.
I can't describe how heartbroken or broken I have been lately.
Basically April's been sucky for me so far. I hope it gets better in time soon.
I need a miracle.



The only one that knows everything that's been happening to me lately is Ahmad.
I really love him for always being there & tolerating everything cos all these things are making me very vulnerable & I've haven't been myself that much lately.
Thank you for being such a good boyfriend & best friend.
I love you so much, Ahmad Husayn ♥

Lost Voice, Lost Cause

"I have feelings too. I am still human. All I want is to be loved, for myself and for my talent."
-Marilyn Monroe.

Lost my voice & it hasn't come back since Wednesday.
My first time ever. Throughout my years of singing & cheerleading, I've never lost my voice.
I was supposed to perform & sing for an item Miley Cyrus's Two More Lonely People with the Hip Hop dancers since the original two singers were a no-show.
Got everything down, the song's melody, lyrics, choreo but too bad my voice didn't recover in time.
I didn't even sang for Zeenol's Dj Got Us Falling in Love Again but got to perform.
I swear the crowd was awesome. Made up of 5000 people.
Best. Crowd. Ever.





Everybody, the whole of CREATE Republic did an awesome job!
And I'm very proud of Replug. It was a success.

Just wished my voice recovered in time. If not I could've have two more new experiences.
1. sing & dance at the same time with dancers
2. perform & sing solo to 5000 people
My only Replug wish is to perform & sing solo for next year's Jam & Hop.

Funny how things work.
I missed The Script's first ever concert in Singapore because of a bump-in & in the end, I lost my voice for Jam & Hop. Go figure.

I think this is God's way of teaching me a lesson not to take my voice for granted.
I always wished my voice was better in some way like other people...huskier, better tone etc.
I always admired people's voices more in a way that I think whatever song people ask them to sing on the spot it would've sound awesome anyways.
I also got sick of some people making fun of my voice cos it's tiny although big at the same time, that Disney girl thing people like to label me with.

All this when I should've been proud of the voice I've been gifted with.
Because I can do so much with it, I can almost adapt & sing any genre I want with it.
I can go as high as I want though I've yet to master my very low notes.
I swear I will be very proud & have full confidence in my voice & not take it for granted anymore.
I won't care what anybody say about it anymore.

Dear voice, I hope you'll come back soon, even much better & stronger with full force.
I'm ready to show the world & let them listen, let you be heard, show 'em what you're made of.
I miss you, please come back soon.
Love, Liyana ♥