One of the toughest parts of life is deciding when to give up and when to try harder.
Yesterday night I was lying on my bed, waiting for myself to fall asleep so that I can escape from reality & go to lalaland.
A lot of thoughts were running through my head which actually happens most of the time.
Sometimes I wished I didn't think too much; it's not good for me sometimes.
I was on the verge of giving up on something that really meant a lot to me.
Because it seemed like no matter how hard I try, it seemed like I was goin' nowhere with it.
I felt like I was in it...alone.
Everyday I wished & hoped with all my heart that nothing would go wrong; that everything was goin' to be alright.
Sometimes the things that make you happy the most also have the power to make you feel so down when it goes wrong.
Strange how these things work, no?
It's amazing how sleeping can make it all go away and make you feel so much better the next day.
And indeed today, things are so much better it seems.
I just wished things can go back the way it was, just like the first time.
But you can't have everything I guess.
So I'm just very grateful with how it is right now.
All I can do now is to hope for the best.
Moving on...
Things haven't being goin' well at home.
It's been shaky I guess.
I don't like the tension.
I hope it'll be alright soon.
I hate the insecurities I have.
Sometimes it has the tendency to take control over my thoughts.
Then I'll come up with some stupid scenarios in my head.
It stays in my head & then when things get better, I'll forget about it.
I need more positivity right now cos situations haven't been that good lately.
Thank god I have two extremes; one, my very sunny optimistic self & the other, my very dark pessimistic self.
Usually my pessimistic thoughts, I keep it to myself.
So nobody really knows about 'em except when I really need to let it out to somebody.
I don't ask for much.
I just want support, assurance, tender loving care & attention.
On a happier note, I'm very thankful & grateful for the opportunities that I've been receiving.
I've been busy practicing for the upcoming performances that are coming next year.
I also received other opportunities which I have to reconsider because of commitment & time.
I promise I'll try to be more confident of myself, believe in myself more & aim higher.
I will give everything my all. (:
Wow, this has been a very personal entry.
I feel much lighter now hehe! :]
Anyways, I'm gonna do a special entry soon heh.
(:
Ooh! I got lucky & won tixs to the Marina Bay 08/09 countdown @ The Float!
Gonna go & collect it tmr before my vocal practice.
I'm gonna spent my last day 0f 2008 with him!
It's really been awhile since I spent some alone time with him, just the two of us.
It really means a lot to me that he's gonna spent it with me.
I think he knows how badly I wanted him to go cos I told him about it immediately when he was still in Sydney hehe.
I shall end here before this gets too long haha.
take care & much love.
(:
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